Where I Belong
by TroubleScout
Summary: BA: A major denial piece for "Surprise"/"Innocence". Buffy and Angel the morning after.
1. Chapter 1

I wake slowly as I snuggle further into him, my chin resting on his shoulder and the curve of his upper arm pressing between my breasts. It takes me a minute to realize this isn't a dream, that he's here, he's safe, and he's holding my hand. To see him slumbering next to me with his skin on mine instills in me sense of safety and peace I swear to God I couldn't have possibly even imagined. I'm almost positive a feeling this good never actually existed before now. Before us. I'm afraid to move, afraid to breath. I am literally desperate for this moment to never end. But suddenly, without wanting, I see the clock out of the corner of my eye.

Three. Twenty. Seven. Oh God. We were supposed to check in two and a half hours ago. The gang has got to be so worried. They probably think something bad happened when it totally didn't. Wait, crap, totally did. The Judge. What are we going to do about that big, blue blister on the heel of my happiness?

As I my brain buzzes with the possibility of our potential doom, I feel Angel stir slightly beside me and I realize I've been squeezing his hand pretty tight during my little panic spell. As I let my gaze wander over him and I am suddenly overcome with idea that the lack of his touch might suffocate me. I feel like I can breath, like I've never been able to breath before now and I know this feeling should scare me, but doesn't. I want him. I need him. I love him. And it makes all the difference in the world. I can't even begin to imagine life without him. My life is with him. I know it. I'm positive.

Unfortunately, right now I also know I need to call Giles. Oh lord why couldn't he have his phone next to our bed. It's far away and I want to wake him so bad, just so he can walk to the phone with me, but looking at his lips, which I'm needing on mine so bad, I realize I've never seen him so calm. In his closed eyes there is peace. Peaceful Angel: the sight is almost blinding it's so pretty. As selfish as I want to be, I just don't have the heart to wake him and steal that away from him.

I snake my hand out of his and I begin to shift carefully lifting my leg up over him so that I can get on my knees. Hovering above him my wrists are kissing his shoulders and I check the clock again as I feel the covers caress my back. Three thirty six. Wanna stay with Angel. Never want to leave this bed. Ever. Need to call Giles, need to call Giles. That's when I feel his hands on my hips and I freeze. I've been caught. I involuntarily lower my hips and my sex kisses his belly. Oh God it just can't be possible to love someone this much. It just can't.

I look at him and he gazes into me, and me into him, and I'm so overcome with emotion, silent tears come streaming down my face. That scares him, I know it. I know it cause all his serenity is lost and blatant terror runs a muck over his features and it only makes me cry harder cause I'm so sorry I'm scaring him. He's asking me what's wrong without saying a word cause I know he's afraid to ask. I'm shaking now cause I'm so overcome and I don't know how to explain it to him, but I try. "I love you so much." The words seem so inadequate, so not even close to enough but looking at him, suddenly he looks happier than I know I've ever seen him look before. And I feel so stupid for making him worried and for what I have to say next, so I close my eyes as I begin to cave in resignation. My voice filled with resentment, like it's my dirty little secret, I murmur, "but I have to check in with Giles." I feel ridiculous and I know it shows.

When I open my eyes he's smiling at me and I lose all rational thought. All I know is my lips are on his and my breasts are pressed to his chest and my thighs slick with his seed are hugging his hips so tight and I'm home. This is home. This is what matters. This is heaven on earth and I feel like I'm witnessing a miracle I'm in such awe.

Despite my deep desire to never stop kissing him, ever, I suddenly feel an overwhelming need for oxygen and let my head fall to rest on his chest as I taking in deep, needy breaths filled with his scent.

"You need to call Giles," he says softly and I can hear he doesn't want to say it.

"Wanna stay here," I whisper lazily dragging my fingertip over his left nipple feeling it stand up under my touch.

"Me too," he says while his expansive hands drown my back. Please God, don't ever let him let go of me.

"Come with me?"

"Of course…wait, where?"

I grin. I can't help it, that was adorable. "To the phone," I say. I think he might laugh, but he doesn't. Instead he sits up wrapping my legs around his waist while I wrap the covers around us. He gets up cradling my back and my ass and kisses my tear tracks away as he carries me to the phone. He then picks up the phone with hand that used to be on my back and hands it to me to hold. He dials the library and then he holds the receiver to my ear.

"Hi Giles…yeah we got a little…sidetracked, the Judge is up and running" I look at Angel and say to him with my eyes what I can't let Giles hear. "Yeah, we're fine." I run my hand down the side of his face fascinated at how unafraid I am of what's to come. Angel is here and we're safe and we will be. "In a couple of hours? Oh right, school…okay, I'll see you then…Bye Giles." Angel hangs up the phone and puts it back down onto its place on the table. "Angel?"

"Yeah?" I swear the way he looks at me, it makes me feel so soft, so warm. It's like I'm melting and dying for him to lap me up.

"I love you."

"I love you…I love you." Then he kisses me and the world evaporates around me. Oh God I love him. I love him. I love him against me, I love him in me. I don't want to get dressed. I want to stay here. Always. Always. This is where I belong.


	2. Chapter 2

Kissing him is like a religious experience for me, I swear. It seriously makes me believe that in a world filled with such pain and monsters: general badness, that there's someone watching out for us – Someone who lets real good happen alongside the bad.

We're pretty much devouring each other as he carries me back to the bed. His neck, his chin, his jaw. My neck, my chin, my jaw. I want my mouth all over him and his all over me and it's happening. It's happening and I'm so wet I can feel it dripping down his stomach as I rub up against him. I can't stop moving against him and as my ass bumps against his growing hardness it only makes it worse. I want him in me again, to feel whole again. I need him so much I'm whimpering into his mouth begging him. I never thought I be one to beg. But when it comes to him, I swear I'd crawl on my hands and knees pleading across forever just to look at him. Just to have him look at me. "Angel, please. Please…please, I need you."

As I'm saying all this he lowers my back to the bed and just looks at me. I don't know quite how to describe the look in his eyes except to say it made me feel so loved and so warm and unbelievably… naked. It's then that I realize the comforter has fallen to the bed behind me and has left me completely unobstructed to his view. I suddenly feel shy, like he's never seen me before even though he spent hours last night touching every last inch of me inside and out. I self-consciously make a move to cover myself, but his palms gently press my wrists back towards the bed. I lay hypnotized as his head descends ever so slowly and places the most amazing kiss right between my breasts. His lips linger there, barely caressing my skin as he utters, "So beautiful." And then my head feels all flighty and I feel like I'm glowing, radiating from the inside. I really do. 'Cause I know have this destiny, this reason why I should feel special, extraordinary even, but it's when he says things like that, when he beholds me with such reverence, that's when I feel like maybe I am special. And not special in the freakish way - special in the way I want to be. Special as a girl. Special to the man who's more than special to me.

When his head rises again I look him straight in the eyes, all my insecurity dissipated, and reach up to run my right index finger down his forehead, over his nose, and let it linger on his lips. "So are you." I tell him. "So beautiful." Into my mind flashes a vision of him from just a few moments ago. That look of peace caressing his features while he slept: the serenity that made him that much more beautiful. "I wanna make you so happy," I confess.

"God, you do," he insists, shaking his head in disbelief.

"As happy as you make me?"

It was an innocent question really, but as I ask it I see his eyes grow glassy and his voice cracks as he wonders, "Do I really make you happy?" It's such a stupid question I almost don't know how to answer.

"Angel," I murmur with disbelief. All I can think is how can he be so full of doubt? How can he not see what he is to me? "Unbelievably so."

I tangle my fingers in his necklace and tug on it just a little. "You make me feel like I'm…" my voice hitches in my throat, "like it's enough to just be me. It means everything Angel. You mean everything." I try to blink back tears, but one escapes and he catches it with his knuckles as they caresses my temple.

He dips his head forward to touch his forehead to mine when he asks, "Do you have to go home before school?"

"I'll wear what I have."

"Your shirt is ripped."

"I don't care."

"How long before you have to go."

"Hours," I grin, but he doesn't.

"I'm gonna make you happy."

"You do, I swear you do." And then he made love to me. Twice. And if I didn't have an apocalypse to face, I'd so call in sick. Everyday. For the rest of my academic career. I'd stay right were I am right now. I'd live off of Angel. My body sure as hell doesn't need food when my soul's this nourished. He's spooned behind me and to feel his skin against mine defines perfect in the Buffy dictionary. He's where I want to be and how I want to feel and who I want to be with, wrapped up in one perfect package. His hand's cradling my belly as his fingertips are grazing my hip and oh God, I love him. I hate school and all my stupid everyday obligations and I love him so much. So, so much.


End file.
